How NOT to talk to a Ukrainian (if you ever meet one)

a guide from the Ukrainian POV

Last week, I was taking a train from Florence to Pisa with my friend Maria. We’re both Ukrainian refugees living in Europe. Our seat was located right next to a talkative Canadian woman who was actively seeking a conversation with someone, anyone on the train. She complimented Maria’s tattoos, and then asked the question all Ukrainians dread just a bit: “Where are you from?”

Why do we dread it? You never know where it will go next.

• Will this complete stranger turn out to be pro-russian and try to attack me? (Happened to me)
• Will they want to spew their political opinions for hours about who’s right and who’s wrong? (Happened to me as well)
• Will they ask me something unbelievably stupid and insensitive? (Was anyone in your family killed? Happened to me too)

Maria answered: “I’m from Germany.” It took me aback, as though she was trying to hide our country of origin. After all, it’s nothing to be ashamed of! So I asked her in Ukrainian: “Why did you say that?” She replied:

Oh, I just don’t want to deal with the small talk that comes after.

But seriously — can war even fit into a small talk? How do you talk to a Ukrainian (or any other person living through an active war in their country) without seeming insensitive? If you ever wondered that, I composed a guide based on multiple conversations I…